Screw you guys, I'm going home

I like kids. I like them a lot. They're funny, they're cute, and they provide insight into your own development. I like talking to them, I like watching them do kid things, I like running around with them at the park. That stuff is all fun.

What isn't fun is playing games with them. They're always changing the rules, first of all ("No, I'm not out. The couch is base.") and if you argue, you feel petty. After all, why do I care if kids change the rules in the middle of the game? But I do care, because it's not fucking fair, dammit.

Second, their games are boring. Do you know what Store is? It's a game where you pick up stuff in their basement, pretend to buy it, and then put it in a pile. Over and over and over. Why do they want to play Store? Or School? Why do they want to play School if they already spent eight hours in school? I don't know. They're kids.

Third, sometimes their games get weird. Cops and Robbers is not a game I want to play with a child. I don't want a child to tie me up. And you can argue that it's not at all sexual, but I remember how fun it was to be chased by the boys when I was a little girl. I remember wanting to be caught.

Frankly, I don't think it's healthy for kids to play pretend games with adults. They should be playing with other kids. You know why they like playing with adults? Because adults never change the rules in the middle of a game and adults go along with basically whatever the kid decides to do and adults don't give a shit who gets the red scooter. When you're playing a game with a kid, you're a prop. And that's kind of bullshit, like, why am I the prop when I've done so much more than you? I can read. I can do long division. I survived to adulthood. You think you're better than me? Fine. I'll just sit in the corner and read a book until my mom comes to pick me up.