They can get...smarter?

I got into [another] fight with my boss today. He’s the kind of dick who says things like “you know, Farah, running your mouth doesn’t count as exercise” and “it’s so easy a girl can do it”. Fortunately, we have such a casual work relationship that I can basically walk up to him and be like “you are an ignorant bastard and your hair is stupid” and he won’t do anything about it because he knows I’m awesome and firing me would be a poor life decision.

Today, his beef with me was that I was playing my like omg totally insanely highly inaccessible and super-duper way obscure no-wave, lo-fi, tribalcore, shitgaze music too loud and it was hurting his ear feelings or some whiney bullshit. He started yelling at me to turn the noise down so I started yelling at him something about how this is my favorite song in the universe [this week] and to turn it down would be an insult to the artist and he’d be better off taking his complaints to someone who’d actually give a damn.

Well eventually, he gave up and left me alone because I seem pretty alright most of the time, but when I get riled up about something, I tend not to calm down until I get MY WAY (youngest child syndrome), and he’s well aware of that by now. So he disappeared out of my line of vision, and I got back to work after giving myself a figurative pat on the back for winning yet another one when not five minutes later, that dumb fucking asshole started blasting Rush from the other room. RUSH!! How did he know?! I think it’s time I start keeping my pet-peeves to myself, lest they be used against me in such unethical ways.

Pro-Abortion

Imagine it: You're thirty weeks pregnant. Rubbing your swollen belly, you think of baby names as you walk towards the maternity clinic. If it's a boy, you can name it Doug, after your favorite uncle; if it's a girl, you can name it Ricki, after your favorite talk show host. Your family has already planned a surprise baby shower. You're just heading over to see your ob/gyn to get the latest ultrasound picture to put in an album to show your child one day.

But oh no! Protesters surround the clinic, holding up signs that say things like "Kill your fetus!" and "Pregnancy is wrong!" They ambush you as you try to get through the door to see your doctor. One of them hands you a pamphlet that reads:

You have choices. Come to our abortion palace and we'll take that fetus right out of you so you can continue fucking strangers and having fun!!!!!

So far, a pretty normal maternity clinic experience; you think nothing of it. These people are a hassle, but they can't hurt you.

Until one of them comes at you with a baseball bat. "Beat it out of her!" someone screams. You run to the safety of the clinic waiting room, where they can't touch you.

Two weeks later, police come to your door. "I'm sorry, ma'am, you're going to have to come with us."

"Why?" you ask.

"According to our sources, you're thirty-two weeks pregnant. That is a criminal act."

"Criminal?" You are shocked.

"Yes, criminal. Congress just passed a law outlawing pregnancy."

That is what pro-abortion is, you fucking right-wing morons. What I am is pro-choice.