Losery losers

I spoke to my brother about my sister's idea that only losers don't have kids. He was in 100% agreement: "If you don't have kids, you've lost the genetic race. You are literally a loser." He did agree with me that some people shouldn't have kids, but according to him, the reason is that those people are losers and intentionally or not, they're weeding themselves out for the good of the population. This coming from the kid who didn't know the months of the year until he was 13.

See: http://nakedpicsofhotcelebs.blogspot.com/2010/05/my-mother-is-contagious.html

My mother is contagious

I had the following conversation with my sister while we were cooking a Mother's Day dinner today:

My sister: Do you think you'll ever have kids?

Me: I dunno, maybe.

My sister (shocked, as if I told her I was a Scientologist): What? Why wouldn't you have kids?

Me: Because once you have kids, your life belongs to them.

My sister: Yeah, but all your friends will have kids too. What are you going to do if you don't have kids, hang out with all your loser friends who can't get anyone?

I'd say there's a gap between "someone who doesn't want children" and "loser who can't get anyone," but my sister clearly disagrees.

See: http://nakedpicsofhotcelebs.blogspot.com/2010/04/theyll-come-after-my-kids.html

They'll Come After My Kids

My mother's fear of single people is not unlike the religious right's fear of homosexuals, as in, if we start accepting their "choices," my children will start thinking this lifestyle is normal. To prevent us from dying unmarried, she always makes sure to point out the deviants: "My friend Nora - who is single, by the way - was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize - you know, she's had boyfriends, she just never marries them, isn't that odd? - and she won, the first American woman ever - and you know, she's forty years old..."

Mom's views on relationships came up recently, when my parents were planning a family vacation. Family, in this case, means me, my parents, my 18-year-old brother, and my 20-year-old sister. And apparently, my sister's boyfriend. I took issue with the idea of him accompanying my family on a vacation. The conversation went like this:

Mom: I invited Dorian to go on vacation with us.

Me: Why?

Mom: Well, he's your sister's friend...

Me: He's not family.

Mom: Why do you want to go on this vacation so badly? Are you trying to break up with your boyfriend without telling him?

Note: My mother has met my boyfriend once, for a matter of thirty seconds; when this conversation took place, she had never met him. For all she knows, he could be an escaped convict or a cult leader or a drug addict. Yet my relationship with him matters to her. It matters deeply.

The fact of the matter is, in this uncertain world, you can't sit back and watch your twenties creep by. You have to take a man, any semi-compatible man, and commit to being with him for the rest of your life. Take note. Don't follow my example. Follow my mother's. By the time she was my age, she'd been married and divorced.